Before graduate school, I worked in refugee resettlement. With diverse languages and cultures represented at the agency, conversations with clients and coworkers sometimes veered unexpectedly. I remember talking with a refugee who was overjoyed that I planned to be a psychologist. “My sister met a psychologist once. He told her that she was two weeks pregnant, and he was right! She didn’t even know it yet!” I still have no idea if the client believed that psychologists are imbued with superhuman powers of observation or if he confused “psychologist” with “psychic.”
If the former, he’s not alone in believing therapists have occult abilities. In my free time, I have met a number of people who have been afraid that I would “analyze” them and extract dark meaning from how they said hello. (I don’t. For starters, I’m not trained in Freudian psychoanalysis, and even if I were, I don’t dragoon people into therapy. Also: I can’t read minds.) People seem to share similar misconceptions about therapy. Interestingly, fears people have about working with a therapist are often different from risks associated with therapy.
Things People are Afraid of:
- X-Ray Vision. I don’t think that people actually believe their therapists have supernatural abilities. But people often worry that their counselor will “see through them” and immediately recognize some deep-seated personal flaw. The truth is, therapy is based upon self-report: what you tell the therapist. Therapists are human, and like most humans, tend to be socially-adept and skilled at interpreting verbal and non-verbal information (what you say and how you say it). So, while you can expect your therapist to be an attentive listener, your therapist is not going to have special knowledge of your life. You are the expert in your life. If your therapist has insights that are helpful for you, great. If they don’t ring true, you two can discuss how and why the therapist’s perspective doesn’t fit or needs to be adjusted.
- Mind Control. I wish. In graduate school, I learned ways to make it easier for people to talk about uncomfortable topics, such as death and sadness. Usually that involves reassuring people of their right to confidentiality and their right to share what they wish when they wish; listening with empathy also helps. Beyond that, people choose to share what they want to share and do what they want to do. I can’t force anybody to do anything. Sigh.
- Challenges to Personal Beliefs. During my training, I also learned what is allowed in therapy and what is “out of bounds.” Therapists are allowed to work with you on what you identify as a problem and can present information and suggestions based on the psychological literature. We call this empirically supported treatment, meaning studies have shown that a particular intervention often helps people who have a particular problem to feel better. Your therapist is not allowed to challenge your personal beliefs or values because they differ from hers. Multicultural therapy recognizes that people have different values, and that therapists must avoid imposing their values and worldviews on clients. Unless your values are causing a problem for you, they’re off-limits. (Check out my earlier post: Your Rights in Therapy.)
Actual Risks:
- Uncomfortable Emotion. When I was learning how to provide therapy, I asked my younger brother to role play as a client so I could practice. In character, he rolled his eyes and affected his best macho-man voice. “You’re not going to make me feel my feelings, are you?” Yes. Yes I am going to make you feel your feelings. Inasmuch as I can make you do anything. Emotions are not off-limits: they are the meat, the potatoes, the salad, and the sorbet of therapy. Most of the time, people are in therapy because they couldn’t think their way through a problem. That isn’t to suggest that they aren’t bright; rather, that some problems can’t be thought through, they must be felt through. That’s clunky, but emotions–while uncomfortable at times–are powerful teachers.
- Uncomfortable Information. Therapy helps you to learn about yourself and how you work. Sometimes people learn things they wish weren’t true about themselves. For example, therapists help people to identify patterns that aren’t working for them. The series of girlfriends who done you wrong might be an unforeseeable string of bad luck in love…or they might represent a pattern of behavior, such desiring people who are hard to please or unavailable. Disillusionment has a negative connotation, but while painful, ridding ourselves of illusions helps us to make better decisions in the future. That’s the beauty of working with accurate information.
What are the rewards of therapy? Improved quality of life. Feeling better. I wish I could say early pregnancy detection was a perk, but I still haven’t developed a knack for it.
Jessica Harvath-Hilgeman 